Bumper Stickers

Those funny phrases you see attached to the bumpers of cars and trucks. ;
  1. Keep honking - I'm reloading { Thank you: Kevin }
  2. Keep your distance, I cheated on my driver's test.
  3. Learn to Kill at Ft Sill, OK (In reference to Fort Sill in Oklahoma, a Historic Landmark that now serves as home for the US Army Field Artillery School - Thank you: william Smyth)
  4. Life's a bitch and then you die. (Thank you: Don Schwartz)
  5. Life's a bitch and then you marry one (Thank you: Staralfur)
  6. Love and money keep people awake at night. Since I don't have either, I sleep well.
  7. Make your senator work, don't vote for him.
  8. Man is Gods best invention, and vice versa.
  9. Marihuana kills slowly, but I am not in a hurry.
  10. Marriage is a like a savings account. You put it in and out so many times, that you lose interest.
  11. Marriage is such a heavy load that it takes two people to carry it.
  12. Men have feelings too. For example, we feel hungry.
  13. Moses was a basket case in denial. (Moses was put in a basket and sent down the Nile river - Thank you: Madelyn)
  14. My bicycle is fancier than this car (On a Mercedes Benz)
  15. My girlfriend can't wrestle but you should see her box ("Box" is a colloquial term for vagina (in Australia anyway, not sure about the US) - Thank you: Staralfur)
  16. My other car is a piece of shit too
  17. My other car is a Porsche
  18. ..My ex-wife's other car is a broom
  19. ..My other toy has breasts
  20. ....This is my other car
  21. My sex life is like a Ferrari, I don't have a Ferrari
  22. My son and my money go to Cal Poly San Luis Obispo.
  23. ..I don't care about your son.
  24. My son is Summa Cum Laude
  25. My son sold the thesis to the Summa Cum Laude
  26. My wife and I enjoyed 25 wonderful years... then we met. (Thank you: Staralfur)
  27. My wife comes with instructions... many instructions.
  28. N.A.D. - National Dyslexia Association (Thank you: Staralfur)
  29. Not all who wander are lost (Not all who are lost wander - Thank you: JP)
  30. Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.
  31. Nuke a Gay Whale for Jesus (An amalgamation of popular 70's bumber stickers. - Thank you: Kevin)
  32. Only God knows, if I will come back.
  33. Pass with care. Driver chews tobacco.
  34. Plant a tree, give happiness to a dog.
  35. Practice safe sex. Go fuck yourself.
  36. Procrastination: Hard work often pays off after time, but laziness always pays off now.
  37. Remember: you are unique... Just like everyone else.
  38. Say no to drugs. That way you will have more time to drink.
  39. Say NO to prostitution. Say YES to free sex.
  40. Scotty, beam me up. There is no intelligent life down here.
  41. See that lilttle red dot on your dashboard (Weapon has a target - Thank you: J.T.)
  42. Smiling dog--- The world is my toilet. (Thank you: Don Schwartz)
  43. Some days you are like the statue, others like the pigeon.
  44. Some marriages end well. Others last a lifetime.
  45. Somebody told my friend that his wife was cheating with this best fried. He killed the dog.
  46. Stop poverty and hunger, eat a homeless person.
  47. Stop the manipulation, we want free erections.
  48. Target in sight at my 6 o'clock Hold your fire until advised (Don't blow me up with the car behind me - Thank you: J.T.)
  49. Thank God I am an atheist.
  50. That click you heard was the safety being switched off (You're about to get shot - Thank you: J.T)
  51. The ambulance behind you might be heading for your house (Move over and stop - Thank you: J.T.)
  52. The closer you get, the slower I go (Thank you: Staralfur)
  53. The confusion is very clear.
  54. The echo always has the last word.
  55. The meek shall inherit the earth - if that's OK with the rest of you (Whether they inherit the earth or not, they're still meek - Thank you: Staralfur)
  56. The more I understand women, the more I like my sport's car.
  57. The more people I meet, the more I like my dog! (Thank you: Harold)
  58. The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat. - Lily Tomlin (Thank you: Dave Cassaro)
  59. The world is loosing all of its geniuses: Einstein died, Beethoven, and I have a headache.
  60. There are three kinds of people: those who know how to count and those who don't.
  61. There are two words that will open many doors for you: Push and Pull
  62. There is a better world, but it is too expensive.
  63. There is plenty of room for all God's creatures. Right next to the mash potatoes.
  64. There many reasons for the divorce, but the most important one was and continues to be: MARRIAGE.
  65. These days FIDELITY is only found in music systems.
  66. Think globally. Act nobly. (Originally "Think globally. Act locally." A restauranteur in Vermont came up with "Think globally. Act neighborly." I twisted the phrase a little more because it's a fine aspiration and the words fit together well. - Thank you: J.J. Staples)
  67. Think good thoughts: Words become actions. Actions become habits. Habits become character. Character becomes destiny. (Thank you: J.J. Staples)
  68. Time flies when you are in an airplane.
  69. To fight for peace, is like to fuck for virginity.
  70. Warning: This vehicle makes frequent stops at your mother's house.
  71. We are proud of our privates - US Army.
  72. When in doubt empty your magazine (If you're not sure, shoot - Thank you: J.T.)
  73. Where the hell is Easy Street?
  74. Whirled Peas (Frivolus - Thank you: Kendrick Bateson)
  75. Women - you can't live with them and you can't kill them
  76. Women that have small breasts are intelligent, but I like them dumb.
  77. Work Harder, Millions on Welfare depend on you.
  78. Work is for those people who do not know how to fish.
  79. Work never killed anybody, but why risk it?
  80. Would you drive better if that cell phone was up your butt?
  81. YES: This is my brand new pickup. NO: I won't help you move.
  82. You are jealous because the voices only talk to me.
  83. Young man: if you are between 15 and 17, you are 16.

Total: 183

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